The Collusion: How High Ranking Hooligans Rigged the Draft Lottery
Commentary // 3 months ago
By: Jack Alfonso
As Miami HEAT fans already know, the 2017 NBA Draft Lottery ended in complete disaster. Despite having an almost two percent chance of moving up in the draft, Miami was officially locked into the 14th overall pick of the upcoming NBA Draft, a travesty of epic proportions.
I am not and have never claimed to be a professional statistician or good math boy, but there is undoubtedly something suspicious about Miami not winning the lottery. I am not typically prone to skepticism but in this new age of conspiracies and collusion, it is difficult to dismiss the HEAT’s failure to move up as “bad luck” or “the overwhelmingly probable outcome according to any basic statistic”.
It is the duty of a journalist to search for the truth by any means necessary. I am not a journalist so I didn’t feel the need to exert a particularly large amount of effort in my search for the truth, but I did a few quick Google searches and what I found was shocking.
LeBron James and Dwyane Wade worked with NBA Commissioner Adam Silver to rig the 2017 NBA Draft Lottery against Pat Riley and the Miami HEAT.
This is a very bold claim, I know. One that no credible journalist with a shred of integrity would ever dare of making.
I am not a journalist. I have no integrity.
I would not make this accusation without reason. There are several things connecting LeBron James and Dwyane Wade to Adam Silver in a plot to sabotage the Miami HEAT organization and tarnish the legacy of the great Pat Riley.
Adam Silver’s height is 6’3 according to my sources at Google dot com. When LeBron James played in Miami he wore the number 6. Dwyane Wade has famously donned the number 3 for his whole basketball career. 6. 3. 6’3”. This can not be a coincidence.
After noticing this damning connection I was ready to wrap up this investigation and send this article to my editor, but unfortunately he said I “needed more evidence” and “sounded insane” and “should probably get serious help if this behavior continues”. I respectfully disagreed but I continued my search for truth. Unsurprisingly, I found more connections.
LeBron James currently wears the number 23 for the Cleveland Crapaliers (got ‘em). He is 32 years old. I am told that if you add those two numbers together it equals 55. How old is Adam Silver? FIFTY. FIVE.
I know. I was as shocked as you undoubtedly are. These connections are undeniable. But I still wasn’t done.
I had found definitive evidence proving collusion between LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Adam Silver, but I was unsure where the HEAT came into play. The motive is obvious. LeBron and Wade are both best friends who love conspiring to defeat their enemies, and neither of them have the best relationship with Miami HEAT President Pat Riley. It is also known that Adam Silver is devastatingly bald. Dude looks like worm with poor eyesight and a melanin deficiency. He’s clearly envious of Pat Riley’s gorgeous slicked-back mane of silver hair and would love to make him pay for his age-defying beauty.
Everyone involved had reason to sabotage the Miami HEAT in some sort of twisted scheme to enact revenge on Pat Riley. However, it wasn’t until I found this next piece of evidence that I was absolutely sure of this conspiracy.
According to a quick blog post I just read about how the NBA Draft Lottery works, the Miami HEAT had exactly a 1.8 percent chance of moving up in the draft. Great odds, right? I thought so too until I realized it was just another clue.
If you remove the little period thing in 1.8 its 18. As we have established, LeBron used to wear 6 and Wade wears 3. If you multiply 6 and 3, what do you get? This was the question that stumped me for hours. I couldn’t find a solution.
And then it hit me… 18. Just like the lottery odds. This was the missing piece that connected the three colluding hooligans to the NBA Draft Lottery.
I would never tell an officer of the law how to do their job, and I am sure that many cops will read this article and use their own judgment in deciding what action to take against these three criminals. However, I would highly recommend the maximum possible penalty for this offense. LeBron, Wade, and Silver need to know that they can’t get away with cheating and sabotage simply because they’re rich, famous, or powerful. This is the United States of America and when wealthy and powerful people do something wrong, we hold them accountable. What LeBron and his co-conspirators did was an act of terror against one of our nation’s greatest heroes, Pat (short for “Patriot”) Riley. This atrocity can not go unpunished.