Trouble in Miami: The Heat Needs a Savior Now More Than Ever

Satire

Heat Culture is in trouble, and it needs a savior. It needs someone who knows the organization like the back of his hand. Someone who’s been with the team during their highest highs and lowest lows.

Miami has an open roster spot and they need to fill it with a player who has enough talent to elevate the on-court product and enough swagger and charisma to lift locker room morale.

If the Heat want to be the championship organization they claim to be – the one they used to be – they need a guy who helped create Heat Culture. They need Michael Beasley.

Look, I know what some of you must be thinking. You’re thinking, “how would Michael Beasley help Miami? He’s a bust!” You’re calling him names like “Michael Bustley” or “Michael Pee-pee”, and all I have to say to that is shut up. Shut up!

If Michael Beasley was such a huge bust, why did LeBron James – one of the greatest players in the history of basketball – vouch for him and take him under his wing not once, but twice? If Michael Beasley was such a bust, how did he become an All-Star Game MVP in China, the biggest country in the world? Riddle me this, haters: If Michael Beasley is such a huge bust, how did he go second overall in the 2008 NBA draft?

Even if Beasley was a bust (which he isn’t), this wouldn’t be the first time the Miami Heat took someone everyone thought to be a bust and turned them into a superstar. That’s what Heat Culture is all about! Look at Justise Winslow. Before this year, everyone thought he was a failure, a scrub. He was called names like “Bustise Winslow” or “Just-piss Wizz-low.” Then Heat Culture took over, changed him, transformed him, and turned him into a versatile two-way point-guard with superstar potential.

Look at Dion Waiters. Before he got to Miami, everyone was calling him “Dion Busters” and “Pee-on Wai-turds.” Now, he’s one of the highest-paid players in the league. These reclamation projects are what make the Miami Heat the best organization in basketball. They take players who’ve been discarded, doubted, cast aside, and they turn them into stars. They take players who no one wanted and turn them into max players. That is what makes Miami great. The sooner they get back to that, the sooner they’ll be back in the NBA Finals.

The real question is whether Michael Beasley would even want to come back to Miami. The organization may have failed him one too many times. He helped lay the foundation for the Heat’s four-straight trips to the Finals, and then they traded him away like a piece of dirt.

Without Beasley, Miami doesn’t get a ring in 2012 or 2013, but have they thanked him? Not once. When Miami was reeling from the loss of Chris Bosh, Michael Beasley stepped up and helped deliver the No. 10 pick in the draft. What did he get for his efforts? Nothing.

Beas undoubtedly has countless options as a free agent. He’s one of the most gifted players in basketball. Every team in the league must be courting him. Miami has failed to sign high-level free agents in recent years, from Kevin Durant to Gordon Hayward. But if Pat Riley has any sense, he’ll do whatever it takes to sign Beasley. It’ll be difficult, but players like Michael Beasley only come around once in a generation, and if anyone can lift the Heat out of the pits of mediocrity, it’s him.

Now, imagine this:

It’s June 18th, 2020. Game 6 of the NBA Finals. Miami is down 2-3 in the series against the Golden State Warriors. DeMarcus Cousins just hit one of two free throws to put the Warriors up three.

Ten seconds left. Michael Beasley brings the ball up the floor. He takes a three… won’t go!

Rebound Beasley… back out to Justise… who passes it back to Beasley… his 3-pointer… BANG!

Does that sound good? Yea… I thought so.

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